Seeing past the bug juice and projecting myself forward in the night

I'm driving.  It's late.  Real late.  I'm making my way across country.  Happy for the time we are making while the kids are asleep.  Driving any distance with kids is impossible, unless they are asleep.  I love to drive.  I love an open road.  Wife is asleep now.  No radio just the drone of the car on the road.  This stretch has a wonderful hum with it's newly applied grooves.  It's not lolling me to sleep as I am the night owl.  A predator for these moments that only happen at this hour and these rare events.  Absolutely meditation.  I am happily split into two separate beings.  I am conscious and aware that the second self is neither conscious nor aware.  It is this second unaware state that I am now culturing.  Like a proud parent on a park bench, I watch the second traipse in and out of concepts.  The conscious self is setting traps carefully to capture sparks of creativity flying off as the second plays.  These sparks are what I seek.  Things that can only be made by the ignorant playful self.

The speed is adding to the effect.  The straightness of the the road.  And the forced gaze into the oncoming lights.  Now I divide again.  I'm projected forward out of the car just beyond the windshield.  I am the car.  I'm delighted with my new third self who gets to be the car.  Even if it is a mini-van.  The cars existence is simple, drive.  And with my decades of driving experience I have a trained mind that does not need the frontal lobe to operate.  It just happens, thoughtlessly.  I am three now; the car, the ignorant and the conscious creator sliding back and forth between two children making sure each has their needs.  I don't find this difficult or exhausting but like I said a meditation.  It's relaxing and nurturing.

Technically we are doing 85miles/hr. but all three of us are standing still in the quiet of the night.  Each existing blissfully.  Two of which are only aware of themselves.  Me as the car, is totally focused on the repetitive task, rapped in a mantra of following the line.  The other runs free in fields and streams of thoughts past and present.  Creating collages of my mind.  It is these collages that are ugly, some beautiful and some are births of new concepts that the conscious self quietly records as a voyeur of true creativity.

And now it is gone!  I am dramatically and unpleasantly reunified.  I am conscious and my other selves have gone.  It's 2am in the morning.  I'm driving 85/hr and I am kept from my illusion that I am a blissful ignorant by the newest juice to be produced on the windshield, a lightening bug.  Tail still blinking, I turn on the wipers and the windshield becomes a huge smear of grease.   The road kill that I was able to focus beyond before now drives me deeper back into the car as I can no longer see efficiently.  I am once again a single being.

Slightly annoyed and depressed about the lose of my second and third self, I check my minds pockets.  And there mostly intact, are the new creative concepts left behind for me by me.  I spend the next few minutes rutting them in so as not to lose them.  Everyone is awake now.  The opportunity is gone.  I will miss myselves but am thankful for these new original thoughts.

Pulling Weeds and Clearing out space in my mind

I have begone working at home again.  Working for my self appears to be the path of least resistance right now.  I have been fighting that.  It is time to give up and give in!  I work for myself as a consultant (writing this to convince myself).  Something may present itself that changes my path in the future but I need to stop searching and focus on being a good consultant.  Like the saying, "You find true love when you stop looking".

But the transition is difficult.   Being productive with out all the buzz of the office stimulation is hard.  Without that, my mind wanders and then wanders again.  Allowing stream of consciousness is good for the soul but this does not fill contracts which ultimately pay the bills.  So I am actively, creating ritual in my day to help me.  Get up, get dress, work at desk not on the coach with the TV on, ....  I also believe that a key to being productive is giving yourself regular small breaks to relieve yourself of what ever is slowing or blocking your progress.  So for breaks lately, I have been pulling weeds.

I could pull weeds/garden all day.  So I want to limit myself to a certain amount of time.  I have settled on 20 minutes for now.  But I also want to clear my mind of everything except the task at hand.  Basically a task based mantra meditation.  So on my way out the door I set an alarm on my phone and put it in my pocket.  This way I don't have to think about the time and if I am taking too long.  Second the phone in my pocket allows me to be reachable as I am still on the job.

I have planted a new patch of native prairie.  This is my second patch.  The first patch is rocking!!!  But the new patch is flushing with weeds.  I expected this and even looked forward to pulling those weeds when they did come.  They are primarily of just 3 types right now.  I am purposely focusing on only one type.  This allows me to only have one search image (less processing (thinking)).  And this allows me to work efficiently.

Letting the timer tell me when I am finished allows me to let go of this perfectionist mentality that drives me to be complete and finish weeding the entire bed or even yard.  Weeding is never finish.  Meditation is never finished.

Photo by Tatsuro Kiuchi

My weeding philosophy is rooted in the roots.  Meaning if you don't get the root you have done more harm then good.  With out the root the weed usually returns with more branching stronger than before.  When weeding focus on the following: 

• one species at a time
• get the root
• you don't have to finish

I am finding myself much happier and productive with just two 20 minute sessions of weeding a day.  Like I said earlier, I could garden all day so I have to find that balance between time spent gardening and  being productive, filling my contracts.  If I listen closely enough to myself I will naturally find this balance.  But right now my mind is busy (driving 85 in a 65 speed zone) so some self imposed traditions or rituals, I hate the word rule, will help me slow down.

Get out side!  Even if just for a few minutes.  The vitamin D will make you feel better and more productive.